What If The East African Community Countries Were Siblings?
Kenya Would be the Middle Child Who Speaks Too Loudly and Wants to Outshine Everyone
Kenyan President Ruto was on a four-day U.S. State visit between Wednesday and Sunday. As is often the case when such things happen in Africa, social media was awash with discussions, observations, and criticisms of what this meant for Kenya and Africa.
One TikToker was so incensed that she called Kenya a shameless peacock that wanted to outshine everyone. Many rose in defense, but all I could do was laugh because she wasn’t wrong.
And I say that as a Kenyan who desperately loves her country. It also got me thinking about the personalities that the other East African Community (EAC) countries embody.
So, on a light note, here it goes.
What if the East African Community countries were siblings?
Kenya
Kenya is the quintessential middle child who’s in everybody’s business. What else would you call her involvement in Ethiopia, the Democratic Republic of Congo, South Sudan, and now Haiti?
It is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, Kenya’s long-term involvement was instrumental in helping South Sudan gain independence and establish a new government system, but…
She (and Kenya is she, except in French, when she becomes a he) inserts herself in everything and is so desperate to outshine everyone that when given a platform, she has the audacity to say:
“Kenya’s destiny is inseparably intertwined with the overall well-being of humanity.” President Ruto was speaking in the U.S.
Humanity? Really?
Tanzania
Tanzania is the wise big brother who gave birth to one of Africa’s most revered sons–Mwalimu Julius Nyerere.
He is so chill that he was voted Africa's 5th most peaceful country. All he wants is for everyone to be united and get along.
But occasionally, as most firstborns are wont to do, Tanzania will discipline a misbehaving sibling. Who can forget when the late President Magufuli of Tanzania auctioned 1300 cows belonging to Kenyan herders? That came on the heels of Tanzanian police burning 6300 chicks imported from Kenya for fear of bird flu.
“Tanzania is not a grazing land for neighboring countries’ cows,”
—Magufuli said at the time.
It created tensions, but as often happens with siblings, the strife only lasted a short while.
Tanzania remains the beloved host of the East African Community headquarters, the birthplace of Kiswahili, which has helped East Africa become the most integrated region in Africa and a forever “Mhenga” who spits proverbs such as this 👇🏽
“Cha mkufuu mwanafuu ha, na akila hu, cha mwanafuu mkufuu hu, na akila ha”
Kiswahili Proverb.
Yeah, no. Please don’t ask for the meaning. Gemini is better placed to give you that.
Rwanda
Ah, Rwanda. I don’t know her birth order, but she is the family’s brainiac on top of being a military veteran. She comes up with brilliant ideas like:
Banning plastic (and sticks to it)
The Rwanda Development Board which has facilitated the ease of doing business in the country. Starting a business in Rwanda takes 48 hours.
High women representation in parliament–64%
She never talks about her time in the military but all the other siblings know, yeye ni moto wa kuotea mbali (she is the kind of wildfire you don’t dare poke). She is quick to send military help, most notably in the Democratic Republic of Congo and Mozambique.
Sometimes, secure in her military might, she meddles (Uhh, Rwanda, have you forgotten DRC is your sibling? What’s up with the recent conflict?).
All in all, she is beautiful (Kigali was once nominated as the most beautiful city in Africa), intense, and protective of herself and her siblings.
P.S. Why is Rwanda a she? I don’t know why, except she feels like one.
South Sudan
Our sweet last born who is taller than everyone else. He likes rubbing that in. He had to deal with many hand-me-downs but became an expert at adding unique design elements to personalize the items.
Did you see what South Sudan did with the flag?
As the last born, South Sudan has worked hard and is working hard to catch up with the other East African countries. In 2019, he requested Tanzania to send Kiswahili teachers so that Kiswahili could be added to the curriculum in preparation for adoption as an official language.
Trade-wise, he has opened up the country to businesses from East Africa. Kenya Commercial Bank and Equity Bank operate in South Sudan, and the country imports a lot of milk from Uganda.
As the family's baby, he is prone to tantrums, but Kenya is always there to intervene (of course🤦♀️).
The Nairobi Mediation Process is ongoing. Two weeks ago, South Sudan’s government and opposition groups signed the Declaration of Commitment, which will hopefully usher in lasting peace.
Burundi
Sweet, silent, introverted Burundi. She must have been born in the silence of the night because she never speaks.
When you hurt her, she retreats into herself and closes the border. In January, she closed the border with Rwanda in a row over rebels.
Her President, Evariste Ndayishimie, is the outgoing chairperson of the East African Community. Yet Burundi is still the only EAC country that has no plans to join East Africa’s One Network Area (ONA) Roaming Initiative, which aims to reduce roaming charges across the region.
Sure, a good chunk of Burundians speak Kiswahili, but that is only because Burundi and Tanzania are siblings who are also best friends.
When Burundi was in chaos between 1993 and 2005 because of a civil war that killed over 300,000 Burundians, it was the Arusha Accords, championed by Tanzania, that started the path to peace.
Dear Burundi, introverted you might be, but always remember:
East Africa is waiting for you to manifest great achievements.
Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC)
Do you know that popular song by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville? The lyrics go something like:
“I don’t know much,
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know”
That is the East African Community’s response to this beloved adopted sibling that we wrenched stole rescued from the South African Development Community (SADC) and Economic Community of Central African States (ECCAS).
The East African Community is still figuring DRC out. Sure, the community knows this much:
She is rich on paper.
She has a couple of health issues that the community is desperate to solve (the first order of business after DRC joined EAC was to try and find a path for lasting peace)
She is worth associating with
The rest will be revealed in due time, and that is okay. For now, the biggest responsibility is doing everything possible to end the silent genocide in the Congo.
Uganda
This could only end with Uganda because he is East Africa’s Okonkwo (fighter extraordinaire). Okonkwo was the main character in Chinua Achebe’s debut novel “Things Fall Apart.” He was a wrestling champion with such a clear vision for his life–escape his father’s legacy and be wealthy.
Uganda’s vision for East Africa has always been clear–leverage integration to build wealth.
Uganda was one of the founding members of the East African Community. Even after the first community fell apart in 1977, President Yoweri Museveni believed in integration so strongly that in the early 1990s, he was the biggest advocate of the Agreement for the Establishment of the Permanent Tripartite Commission for East African Cooperation.
Okonkwo was never afraid to speak his mind or follow a unique path, and neither is Uganda. Remember what Yoweri Museveni said about the pandemic?
Not only that but in an environment where everyone is pushing for the abandonment of fossil fuels, Uganda is unapologetic in its plans to pursue a mega oil project.
Uganda is the sibling who is considered a bit of a black sheep, but his courage in some issues has helped pave the way for his fellow East African siblings. Uganda is in talks to develop a nuclear plant. If successful, it will be the first in East Africa.
He’s got some issues, too, just like Okonkwo, who was famous for beating his wife and children, but oh well, you always give your siblings the grace to grow.
Final Word
I cannot end this without an honorable mention–Ethiopia. She is the EAC’s favorite cousin. Sometimes East Africa forgets she is not part of the community because she is so beloved.
There you go, I rest my case. Please do not come for me. It was all in good fun. Feel free to add your opinion in the comment section.
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